I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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