I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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