Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it because I queefed?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
