thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
