Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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