So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
