I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
