whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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