I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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