Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
