I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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