I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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