Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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