I think I died a long time ago.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
