Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
