she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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