I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
