I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
