I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
