Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
