he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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