I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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