Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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