check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
