he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
