Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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