Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
