Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
