after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
