We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
