i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
