I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pants are for mortals
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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