i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
