I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
