We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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