oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
