I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize