You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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