they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.