It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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