so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.