rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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