Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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