he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
