addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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