I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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