weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
