she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
