Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
