I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
