i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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