You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
