yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize