I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
