i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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