he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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