I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
