the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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