dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
