you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
