smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just high enough for therapy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
