found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
