I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
