what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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