Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
