She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we should paint friendship bongs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
