Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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