No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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