thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
