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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex

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• (707): View more from California

  No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.

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