Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

How wet are you?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

Ever heard of a U-boat?

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(404): View more from Georgia

dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

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(425): View more from Washington

I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
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(361): View more from Texas

Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.

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(302): View more from Delaware

just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.

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(772): View more from Florida

Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me

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