Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me