I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
