So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination