a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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