I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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