life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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