I love black thongs
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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