GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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