I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
