He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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