All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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