chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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