I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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